My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
