I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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