So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
