I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
