I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
