Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
