Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
