i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
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