the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
