two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
