I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
