Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
