What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Randomize
