I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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