I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
