Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
