How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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