I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I am mentally ready for anal.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
