so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
