how do flat chested girls get laid?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
