she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize