i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize