He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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