Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize