No, drunk sperm still make babies.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
