maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
