my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Randomize
