Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
