im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
