honey bunches of taint.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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