I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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