did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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