Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
