she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
