it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
