It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
