just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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