so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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