tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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