I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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