Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
