pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
