i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
