I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize