my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
