this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
