Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
