I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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