I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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