Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize