If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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