No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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