Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
