Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
