physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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