a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
