Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
