too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
