I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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