I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
