She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm like, not good at living.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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