if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
