Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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