There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
