no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
