Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
