i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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