It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
