Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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